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The embarrassment and pain that I felt was harsh. I didn t know how to face anyone, especially my former teammates. The different things that were running through my mind are unexplainable. I let myself down, but more importantly I let down my school and my town. I lost respect from a lot of people. <br> How does one deal with something like this? I tried thinking of positive things to boost my morale, but I was unable to sooth the pain in my soul. I remember the night of the playoff game, standing outside the stadium in the pouring rain. I found myself wishing that I could go back in time to prevent my superior mess-up. People would walk by and whisper things. They didn t know, but I could hear what they were saing. These things were all true, but how could I change what I already did? As the game ended and the stands finished emptying, I walked over to the gate and stared at the field for a while. Full of hurt, I walked back to my house and went to bed. I didn t sleep at all that night, all I remember is thinking back on the season and how far the team succeeded. <br> I honestly believe that I have learned from my mistake. I have no desire for anyalcohol at all. There are still people who despise me because of what I had done, but I have learned to live with that. I just hope that I have showed people what it means to lose a part of themselves, and how much it hurts to wreck your own dreams. I would also like to send my deepest apologies to everyone, especially my teammates. <br> The ofree weights. At first, these coaches wished they could have a shiny blue machine, but then their